A Cup of Coffee--August 3, 2001

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By Sean Clancy
From The Saratoga Special, reprinted with permission
Our favorite store in Saratoga sent us a delivery yesterday. A Lyrical Ballad care package, now it doesn't get any better than this. Well, one thing would be better, if we could actually read some of the classics before September.

Nobody reads in Saratoga, well, other than The Saratoga Special, of course.

Remember my desk the other day? That was nothing, now I have a stack of books, 10 high, about where my left elbow ought to be. My right elbow's OK since I ate the chicken salad sandwich that was there a few minutes ago. But this is what I'm wondering: You think some of what's inside of these books can rub off on me as I type out another column with no ending?

We have "Press Box" by Red Smith. By now you probably know that Red Smith is my man. This is a collection of Smith's favorite sport stories. His foreword is better than anything I'll ever write-- Listen to the ending, "The compilation offered here is presented with no boasts that can't be supported. This book is not put forward as the greatest this or the finest that. Readers will find here neither folk poetry nor tone poems, neither ambrosia for the intellectuals nor porridge for the lowbrows ˆ only a few evenings of pure pleasure."

Now underneath "Press Box," we find a three-inch paperback catalogue called "Guide for Humphreys‚ Veterinary Specifics," dated 1891. We found our cure for the meet, the one that will fight off all the ills of publishing every night (in this case) or whatever you might be ailing from during your six week splurge. "Nervous Debility is known by a weak, nervous, exhausted feeling; a lack of animation or energy, often with confused head, depressed mind, weak memory, or with debilitating, involuntary discharges -- the consequences of excesses, indiscretion, or menial overwork.

"This condition finds a sovereign cure in Humphreys Homeopathic Specific No. 28. It tones up the system, dispels the metal gloom and despondency, restores vitality, arrests the drain and rejuvenates the entire system. Perfectly harmless, been in use twenty years, has restored thousands, and is the always efficient and safe remedy. Its highest praise is that it is extensively imitated. It is especially efficient for the young and indiscreet, and the overworked, overtaxed, or care worn in active or advanced life. Price: $1.00 per single flask; or $5.00 for a Package containing Pills and Powders; which is important in old, or serious cases. Sold by all Druggists, and sent post or express paid, on receipt of price."

Damn, order us a case.

Damon Runyon's "Runyon A La Carte" comes next. Just the dedication will get you, "To William Randolph Hearst, my employer and friend for lo these many years, this little volume is respectfully dedicated." If you've never read Runyon, your life's missing some laughs.

"To Absent Friends" from Red Smith, this is a collection of columns Smith wrote when someone left this world. Listen to this line from Smith in the eulogy for long-time friend, Fred Corcoran, the golf impresario. "Dying is no big deal," he began. "The least of us will manage that. Living is the trick." See why I love the man?

Red Smith's "View of Sports" comes next, halfway down the pile. Just skim the titles--Stengelese, Honest John, A Boy's Best Friend, Wyatt Earp's Nugget, Cheap at half the Price . . . and on and on.

I can't wait until September. "Sportswriter, the life and times of Grantland Rice." Now this guy was a writer. He is the one who nicknamed Red Grange the Galloping Ghost, the one who transformed four Notre Dame football players into "The Four Horsemen." Yeah, that guy.

The last book in the pile, "Music for Chameleons," by Truman Capote, really got me going. Listen to his take, "Then one day I started writing, not knowing that I had chained myself for life to a noble but merciless master. When God hands you a gift, he also hands you a whip; and the whip is intended solely for self-flagellation."

Jockeys, trainers, writers . . . Capote understood.

Contact Sean Clancy via e-mail at sean@thesaratogaspecial.com or telephone at 518-581-1947.

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